The Threat Level Finally Raised After Michigan Destroys Penn State in Ann Arbor | Eleven Warriors – Eleven Warriors


Square One Television (an educational children’s show on PBS mostly concerned with parodies of 50’s sitcoms as a vehicle for teaching 2nd graders about parallelograms) was a little ahead of my time, even as one of those semi-precocious kids who seems smart but is actually kind of . mute


Anyway, even though Square One Television went off the air when I was six, it’s interesting which segments stick in my head, even today. mathnet, a parody of Dragnet, seemed like quite a bummer to me young, mostly because I liked the idea of ​​people going to actual prison for the crime of leaving a remainder during long division. Mathcourt was funny for the same reason. My two biggest childhood heroes, Weird Al Yankovic and Wynonna Judd, were also on the show at one point or another.

The segment I’ve never really been able to shake, however, is Mathman. Parody of The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, it scared the absolute shit out of me Something about the segment was visceral and weird and I hated it. At the time I thought that was it because Mathman was exhausted if he got one damn question wrong, but as the 90s progressed and Michigan regularly kicked Ohio State’s ass every year, I began to realize that it was really Mathman’s stupid helmet that kept me up at night.

The 2022 Michigan Wolverines are starting to give me the same heebie-jeebies. They’re not perfect, and have a habit of letting opponents hang, far too long, but their 41-17 win over Penn State was about as dominant a win as any team has had this season against a top-10 foe.


Michigan didn’t punt, so there’s that. Field goal, field goal, touchdown, interception, field goal, touchdown, touchdown, field goal, touchdown, end of game. 11-17 on 3rd down, 563 total yards, and four hundred and eighteen terrible yards on the ground for an average of 7.6 yards per pop. This, against statistically one of the best defenses in the country.

Yes, Penn State was up 17-16 for one very fleeting moment in the second half, and yes, the Wolverines hilariously saw three drives stall at or around the Nittany Lion 10 yard line, and yes, they rocked a pick-six at. the worst possible time. But instead of letting Michigan stew in self-pity, Penn State stupidly booed their opponents at halftime, a move the Buckeyes could have told them really isn’t the move against these guys anymore.

Oh, hey, RB Donovan Edwards is back. After getting hurt and then looking generally lost against Iowa and Indiana, he exploded (not literally, that would be tragic) for 173 yards on just 16 carries. Blake Corum had 166 yards on 28 carries. Hell, even JJ McCarthy, who was accurate-but-still-kind-of-a-deal actually throwing the ball, had 57 yards on the ground.

This is a long way of saying that the game belonged to Michigan’s offensive line, which bullied the Nittany Lions throughout. Time of possession is typically a silly stat, but the Wolverines held the ball for (I swear I’m not making this up) 41 minutes and 56 seconds of playing time, so it’s not in this case. And while Penn State finished with seven tackles for loss and a sack … it didn’t matter. All in all.


Penn State had two long scoring drives, both of which were the result of QB Sean Clifford rolling natural 20s before reverting to his means of throwing footballs directly into the ground. 48 of his 120 yards passing came on one play, as did 62 of his 74 rushing yards.

No one else on the Nittany Lions did anything of note, or really had time to do anything of note. The Wolverines dominated at the point of attack, and after Clifford was hit and James Franklin was forced to insert freshman Drew Allar, things just got worse. All told, Penn State finished with just 268 total yards and 10 first downs.

I could go on, but this section already took me longer to write than PSU actually held the football in this game, so whatever.



It’s not a coincidence.

Also, something struck me while going through this game again. Last year, I said that Harbaugh basically recreated Tresselball to positive effect. And while that was true at the time, and you could possibly make the same claim now, I don’t think that’s what this Michigan team is.

Rather, I think the 2022 Michigan Wolverines are the ultimate expression of what Brady Hoke wanted them to be. This is a soft, handball team that will sit on opponents’ chests until they cry uncle. They are legitimately very, very good.

The Threat Level is SEVERE, and November 26th can’t get here soon enough.

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